Sorrow, Grief and Growth
By Hannah van Schie and Carmel Turnbull
September is a month of many Marian feast days – mostly happy occasions!
The first feast day is the Birth (Nativity) of the Blessed Virgin Mary (8 September). The day that Joachim and Anne welcomed their daughter Mary. We all love a birthday celebration and this is a lovely one to contemplate and pray over.
This is followed by the Feast of the Holy Name of Mary on the 12th of September. This is a particularly joyful day as it is the patronal feast for Marist lay people, Marist religious and Marist priests (This was the topic of our September reflection last year!). We remember that we are called to bear the name of Mary and be her presence in the world too.
Later in September on the 24th many Catholics celebrate the Feast of Our Lady of Mercy (Mercy Day if you go to a Mercy school!). It is the important feast day for the Sisters of Mercy (Nga Whaea Atawhai o Aotearoa) and the wider Mercy whanau.
However it was a different Marian Feast day in September that caught my eye recently: Our Lady of Sorrows, celebrated on the 15th of September. I didn’t know much about this feast day but I learned that it is celebrated the day after the feast of “Triumph of the Holy Cross.’ It immediately made sense to me that after reflecting on the Cross, we would stop and reflect on the sorrow it caused too.
Our Catholic tradition highlights 7 key events in the life of Jesus that brought sorrow to Mary’s heart. Sometimes you will see an icon of Mary with seven swords piercing her heart. This is the same way our hearts feel when something sad or difficult happens in our lives.
Sorrow, grief and growth
When we were chatting in the office about what the focus of our reflection could be this month and having noticed the “Feast of Our Lady of Sorrows” - the idea of sorrow, grief and growth kept coming up. We all have experience of sorrow ourselves, or maybe even know someone in the midst of a sorrowful season right now.
Illness, death, injury, stress, loneliness, longing, worry, broken relationships – these are very real and human experiences. Mary, our role model, was no stranger to such sorrow, and continues to be an example to each of us when sorrow crosses our paths too.
We know that sorrow, grief and growth go hand in hand. The sorrow of the crucifixion sits alongside the joy of the resurrection.
September also marks the beginning of “The Season of Creation” – an annual worldwide ecumenical celebration of prayer and action to protect the environment and care for our common home. We see in creation “grief and growth” over and over again – a seed dies so that it can take root, a tree is pruned so that it can bear fruit.
Carmel Turnbull, who helps in our office each Thursday, offered to share a short reflection of the sorrow, grief and growth she comes across each week in her work as a Social Worker. I hope you enjoy her insights below in this special month of September and perhaps on the 15th you can take a moment to pray for others in sorrow too.
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
And the fact that I am thinking of following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe the desire to please you
does in fact please you.
And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore I trust in you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me.
And you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
Thomas Merton from Thoughts in Solitude © Abbey of Gethsemani
These beautiful words written by Thoman Merton from ‘Thoughts in Solitude’ © Abbey of Gethsemani hang on the wall of my workplace where I work as a Social Worker in a healthcare setting.
My role includes supporting individuals recovering from traumatic brain injury and extends to providing emotional support to whanau as they grieve the changes to their loved ones. I meet families and individuals at some of the hardest times in their lives.
Brain injury disrupts all aspects of their loved ones life; impacting their work, education, family, relationships, hopes for the future and can affect and alter a person’s sensory experiences. Simple tasks such as eating and drinking safely can become impaired, robbing them of pleasure to fully taste and enjoy food. Hearing and vision can also become impaired in brain injury; imagine the grief experienced by those who can no longer depend on these senses in their day to day activities and the long term impact this can have on their lives and their loved ones.
Grief can come from the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, change in health status through accident, illness, disability, moving house, the breakup of a relationship, any traumatic experience. Grief is a very personal process as change and loss in life are experienced differently for each person. There is no right or wrong way to experience grief.
I have reflected over time that there is a quiet purpose to grief: to help us gradually adjust to our lives after a big loss or change. Grief is part of life, we endure it and slowly we grow around it. Grief and growth go hand in hand.
Accompanying patients and whanau on the sacred journey of grief and loss is a privilege. Grief is personal and unpredictable with up-down experiences and filled with many emotions and much uncertainty. Like the image of Mary at the food of the cross, Merton’s words beautifully speak to the unpredictability and uncertainty of grief. He reassures us that in the midst of our perils, God comforts and holds us firm in His love.
REFLECTION QUESTION
Has sorrow been a part of your life recently? Who do you feel called to pray for who might be in a sorrowful season?
Carmel shared about her experience as a Social Worker with families experiencing grief. Have you been supported in a time of grief yourself?Or supported someone else?
As spring approaches and we celebrate the “Season of Creation” what small signs of hope do you see around you? Share a moment of spring hope in your life at the moment.
“Our communities are meant to be not inward-looking, closed in upon themselves, but communities of hope lived and communicated. ”
~ Frank McKay, sm
